Dafka

poverty porn….

it’s a term that’s been thrown around a lot lately.

there are a lot of things that enrage me…that make my stomach turn and that get me on a soapbox…

the exploitation of children or the people that i live and work with, is at the top of that list.

however, when these two words are used together…there is no soapbox that can contain my rage…that can express the distain i have for the term or can encompass the perpetual harm caused by this line of thinking.

not only does this term make poverty a “dirty” word…it makes the individual in the photograph a “dirty” individual.

beyond that…it desensitizes us to the very real issue of….exploitation.

i very much dislike all of those things….to say the least.

so…

…i am left with a choice.

i could rage and rage…and then rage some more.

i could try to find a way to shock the world into thinking and understanding with a different mind….and into seeing with a new heart.

i could do that…

you all know that 90 % of my spirit wants to do that!

but i could also make a different choice…

i could choose love.

i could get on my soapbox and ask us all to engage in the very thing that this world lacks enough of….

love.

i could choose to collapse judgment. i could choose to dialogue. i could choose to embrace diversity rather than burn it to the ground.

i could choose to be better than i am.

i could choose jesus.

oh, jesus…give me the strength to always choose love…to always choose you.

a couple weeks ago, reimagine haiti released a photograph of a beautiful little girl with the words, “reimagine poverty.” we stated that we were going to spend the month of september redefining poverty and attempting to change the way the world sees those living it.

there was no financial plea, only an invitation to get involved and learn ways to make a difference.

this barefoot little girl stood with stunning grace and immeasurable intensity in the middle of a dirt road that, speaks not only to her physical journey but, represents the road that god has laid out before her….

one of purpose and intent.

the dress she is wearing comes nowhere near american standards…her hair is disheveled and she is not smiling.

she is beautiful.

she also has a name….

dafka is 3 years old…she lives in baie d’orange with her mama and five siblings.

dafka’s daddy works on a bus that travels between port au prince and jacmel…with this money he is able to send her school age sibling’s to school.

this dress is the only dress she owns, but it is her own and she wears it with elegance and pride…

dafka has one pair of shoes and she saves them for church. she doesn’t know that she should be sad to play barefoot…unless we tell her.

so we don’t.

when she plays, her laughter fills the mountainside with pure, uninhibited joy.

dafka, like every child, has a name, has a story and has a future.

more importantly, every child has infinite value and purpose in the eyes of our creator.

to “reimagine” poverty, is to see dafka through his eyes and to search our hearts….

when was the last time we filled the mountainside with pure, uninhibited joy?

two weeks after this photo was released, our media/communications guru and the woman that has poured her heart into these images, wrote a blog to expound upon our vision and released the next image:

i literally cried when i read it…this was the heart of reimagine haiti.

i will write about maria another day…for now, i will simply say that i am honored to work with a woman so fearless…a woman who is willing to speak truth…no matter how uncomfortable it makes us.

today…this:

poverty…since when did “poverty” become a dirty word?

since when did the idea of poverty become offensive?

and since when did we decide that people living in poverty are “less than,” or to “be pitied?”

if we walk far enough back on that red-dirt road…. we will find ourselves standing in a little stable, in another little village, with another little girl….

this little girl…who likely also had on a dirty dress and no shoes…happened to give birth to a king.

his name was jesus.

she laid him in the best bed she could find…one that only moments before had been the feeding trough for the nearby goats and donkeys.

this king grew up the son of a carpenter…playing on dirt roads (most likely barefoot).

i am willing to bet that he was rarely, if ever, clean.

when jesus looks at dafka, what does he see??

does he see a pornographic image?

an exploited child that needs to be pitied?

does he see the word, “poverty,” and label her as “unclean” because of it?

no…

i would venture to say that he sees his sister…his playmate…his child…

himself.

we have been conditioned to aspire to something more than material poverty….to work hard and climb to the top.

but this is not what we were created for.

we were created to emulate our savior….

and he commanded us to aspire to “less.”

in our quest to climb to the top…we have hit the bottom.

in our quest to not see color, to not see gender , to not see class….

we have created a world that is spiritually poor.

creation is full of beauty, including the diversity of color, class, size, shape, gender, etc….

why do we waste our time attempting to make ourselves blind to it….when he who created it has commanded us to celebrate it??

here’s my challenge to us all…

to open our eyes, our ears and our hearts.

to stop closing our eyes to that which makes us uncomfortable but to start embracing it.

to stop trying to paint our world over in one shade of gray…but to open our eyes to the vibrant color of creation.

to stop trying to abolish material poverty and start trying to abolish spiritual poverty.

to stop using terms that are shocking but start living in away that is shocking….

at the end of the day, we all have a choice.

will we stand?

will we celebrate?

will we see dafka for who she is and not what she has?

will we reimagine poverty….and reimagine this world?

will we change the course of history?

will we start a revolution?

marriage is like an electrical wire

today is a good day!

it was on this day, three years ago, that i walked…barefoot…down an aisle and into the arms of my soul mate.

yes… i said, “soul mate.”

we have not exactly had the typical newlywed journey….at all.

but…the past three years have taught us so much about each other, about marriage, about service and about jesus…it has not always been easy but i wouldn’t trade our journey for anything.

if you think of people on a series of spectrums, (liberal/conservative, introvert/extrovert, global/local thinkers, auditory/visual, right/left brained, etc.), jason and i are about as opposite as two human beings can get.

on paper, that’s great!

our differences should balance each other out…like a beautiful dance.

in real life, we have often times ended up feeling like we are in the middle of a train wreck…not a fairytale ballet.

 

we haved learned this….

without jesus, we don’t balance out.

without jesus, there is no dance.

without jesus…

we will fail.

just like jesus wants to be the center of our individual lives…he wants to be the center of our marriage.

he has to be the center.

when we allow jesus to be our music and to move our feet…we have balance and the dance is beautiful.

the analogy of a braid is often used to represent jesus being ever present in a marriage.

what jason and i have learned is that maybe an electrical cord is a better image…not as pretty…but more accurate.

yes, jason and i are “braided together” with jesus…but we have to continually cover that braid in prayer to make sure that those strands don’t separate.

holy spirit, be ever present…let not our braid unravel.

we are still babies starting out on this journey and we are just starting to figure out how to walk….i am so blessed and so honored to be learning alongside the one that my soul loves.

three years ago, i said these words to jason as we joined our lives forever.

today, i repeat them as we continue our journey together…always together.

jason…

over the course of my journey to get here today, i have had several different thoughts and beliefs concerning the idea of “soul mates.”

…at times i have thought them to be a myth and at times a reality…

however…it seems the older i got, the more i doubted that a soul mate might be part of my reality.

then…out of nowhere

there. you. were.

and miraculously, all of my jaded ideas and beliefs were changed.

i know with everything i am that when god handcrafted my soul, he knew that it would find its match in yours…and that when it did, he would use you to teach me his definition of what soul mates truly are…

while i used to think that soul mates would run to the ends of the earth for each other…you have taught me that soul mates run beside each other and carry one another when they are too tired to go on.

while i used to think that soul mates would turn their lives upside down for each other…you have taught me that soul mates provide a safe and peaceful place for each other in this fallen and chaotic world.

and most importantly, jason….

while i used to think that soul mates were pre-ordained to be together and pre-destined to fall in love…you have taught me that true soul mates choose each other…

every. single. day.

they are not bound together by love…. rather, they give their love

…of their own free will.

so…my sweet, sweet jason….

having learned all these things…i stand here today (or i post this today)…before you, the people we love the most (and the entire internet) and our creator and i make to you these vows (again):

i vow to run beside you.

rain or shine…smooth terrain or rocky.

i do not know what god has in store for us…i do know i am ready to face it head on…hand-in-hand…with you.

i vow to be your safe place.

not only trusting your love for me but meeting your thoughts…your words…and your emotions with unconditional love, grace and truth.

i will stand beside you.

support you.

pray with you.

and encourage you…

….in all of the big, life changing stuff and in the seemingly little, everyday stuff.

i vow to never hold back my love but to give it to you freely…

and jason,

i vow to choose you…every single day god gives us together on this earth.

from this day forward…

you are my forever and i will be your always.

go team us!

i love you, sonjay….more with every breath i take. happy anniversary…thank you for choosing me.

xoxo,

elu

The Air We Breathe

i saw her face drop as she made the call….the disadvantage of learning creole is that i also understood her when she said he needed oxygen…

belle anse does not have oxygen.

not an hour before we had been eating lunch together and i gave him my uneaten fish…because i didn’t like the way it tasted…

if only i hadn’t done that…if only we had stayed home…if only…

damn fish!!

we hardly made it home before we were both on the ground with…what we thought was an allergic reaction…but we are now told was mercury poisoning.

i was laying on a concrete floor…i think there was a nurse putting an iv in my arm…maybe injections…

through my own blurred vision all i could see was my husband.

he was seizing.

something happened to me in that moment…i was not going to lose this man…we had not accomplished what we had been sent to do.

satan. would. not. win.

i knew that jason was not going to get the oxygen that he needed….but i had something better…more powerful and more life-giving…

“holy spirit come…be the air he breathes…breathe new life into his lungs and open his airway.”

as our yard began to fill with people…(typical in haiti when it is believed someone is near death)… i slammed my fist down on jason’s chest and i kept praying….

“in the name of jesus…i claim life for my husband.”

and then it happened.

slowly, jason’s color began to return to normal…his pulse and bp began to slowly come back down and his airway….his airway was opened.

the most beautiful words i have ever heard came out of the doctor’s mouth….

“yes! erika…its ok, he is going to be ok.”

the more we learn about what went on that day, the more i am amazed by god’s goodness, provision and his love for us…

jason and i were the only ones that ate the fish, therefore the only ones to get sick.

….the clinic had the exact amount of medication needed to treat the two of us…had anyone else eaten it or if i had eaten more, there would not have been enough.

our children love fish! but we had not eaten with them that day and for some reason…and they will only eat fish for us.

if  they had eaten the amount of fish they normally eat, it would have killed them.

we could not find our epipens. at first we thought we were having an allergic reaction…

given the severity and symptoms of jason’s initial reaction, we would have given him an epinephrine shot…had the pen been in its normal place.

his pulse ended up going over 160…epinephrine also could have killed him.

so many people were so concerned and at our home…that our kids were occupied the entire time…they saw none of what happened.

we are so thankful that they were protected from seeing us in the conditions we were in.

what is amazing to me, is that all of those things….

uncertain schedules…my kids not eating enough protein…stuff being some-place other-than-where-it-should-be…tons of people in my yard…

all these things are things that i struggle with…i get anxious over…that i pray will be different.

but this day…all of those things that i am convinced “should change….” saved us.

ordained chaos.

what if  i am the one that needs to change? what if my typical “breathe and count to 10” method is crap?

what if i truly cannot do anything…anything on my own??

holy spirit come….be the air that i breathe.

it is well with my soul

yesterday marked the one-year anniversary of reimagine haiti’s official/legal birth. while there had been many dreams, conversations, prayers, late nights, and twists in the road before that day…it was exactly one year ago, that reimagine haiti joined the grid…filed it’s fist piece of paperwork and received it’s first official number….that beholds us to the irs.

the past year has simultaneously been filled with an obscene amount of blood, sweat and tears….and an unbelievable amount of growth, grace and beauty.

in so many ways the time has flown by….in so many others it seems so far back, that i often times think i surely must be remembering a dream….i am no longer that girl and that is no longer my life.

when we set out on this journey, i had all of these ideas about whom i was, what i was being called to do and why i was being called to do it….

as i reflect on the past 12 months, i marvel at how narrow my vision was in relation to how far reaching god’s plan clearly is…and has unfolded thus far.

before this year, it would not have been uncommon for you to hear me confess that, although i love jesus and he is the core of who i am…i have never been able to fully connect to the things that i read in the bible…scripture has not ever come alive to me….

i just had trouble relating to a bunch of men that walked on dusty roads in sandals… talking to strangers all day….eating fish…..and who traveled in sketchy wooden boats or on donkeys.

the fact that i now live in a place with more donkeys than people…where i walk on dusty roads in sandals, eat fish and talk to strangers all day…and travel via sketchy fishing boats….is not an irony that is lost on me.



as i have attempted to process my transition into this new life, i have asked a series of “what if” questions…..

what if….

what if god sent me to this place…..so that i could literally live a life similar to that which i could not understand?

if i am called to live in community with the people of belle anse…if i am called to serve them….do i not first need to practice this service in my home, with my husband and my children? and if i am going to serve my family and live in community with them….must i not first learn to live in complete communion with and servitude towards my creator?

what if….

what if god had to use my passion for changing the world, to bring me to a place where his word could finally come alive to me?

the older i get and the more i learn….the more i understand that i really don’t know a whole lot. as a mother of 2 toddlers, i cannot help but draw parallels between my stage of parenting and my relationship with god.

my children think they know what they want….they think they know what is best for themselves and they think they know what the best plan is….but in actuality, they know veggietales, juice and mamba.

as a parent, i sometimes let them figure things out…on their own.

example: that it is not actually a good idea to touch a burning mosquito coil (an incense type thing that keeps mosquitos from devouring us).

….sometimes i have to tell them things.

example: “sorry, i know you think it’s a good idea to smear the contents of your diaper into your brother’s hair….but it is not.”

and then sometimes….i shamelessly exploit their love for nemo.

example: “hey, i know you want to watch ‘meno’…and you can….grandma even sent you a very special chair to sit in while you watch….yes, i know there is a hole….maybe it’s incase you have to go potty while dory is bouncing on the jellies!!! so fun!!”

i wonder how often god has to treat me very much the same….

oh, what a child i am…..

what if….

This woman volunteers
her time to care for the
people in her community
with cholera....

It takes us 2 hours to drive
the road that this man
will walk...
with this on his head...
every day. 

what if god brought me here so that i would no longer simply hear his voice….but i would see his face?

so many times people tell me that i am a hero…that i am the hands and the feet of jesus….but i am no hero…this man is a hero…these are the hands and the feet of jesus…i strive to wash these feet with my tears and dry them my hair.

The miles these feet have seen....

what if….

what if i had to be stripped of everything that i know, so that i would have no choice but to depend solely on him?

i’m not going to lie, i have not written for so long because i have had a really hard time processing this transition….while my spirit and my heart have been at peace, knowing i am where i am supposed to be….the toddler in me has been tantrum-ing at the utter physical and psychological discomfort of this life.

If you are going to eat a turtle...there is no better girl to do it
with! ....and if you are going to get antibiotic resistant
Typhoid from that turtle.....sorry, I already claimed her
that ride!

i am not a sunshine blower, so here it is….there is nothing physically comfortable about the place i now live. i have added at least a dozen new items to my already ridiculously long medical history….not to mention the very unpleasant reality that, on an aesthetic hotness scale, the majority of those items would be classified as “so-far-below-zero-there-is-no-hope-for-recovery.”

on an emotional level….being in the middle of nowhere is lonely, people! coming from a card-carrying member of the, “introverts united alone club”….that’s a huge statement.

the only way to reconcile the knowledge that you are exactly where god has called you to be and doing what he has created you to do, with the discomfort that comes with it, is to throw yourself completely into his care…to trust, trust, trust and to stand in what you are comfortable in…his truth:

A tiny fishing boat....20 foot waves...white knuckle
grip. Such a common picture of life....
"Jesus, calm the sea...or calm my heart."

i am his and he has me.

what if….

what if he sent me, because there is no logical way that i am capable of living this life…by sending me, all glory goes to him.

anyone that knows me, knows that, one….i should be dead and two…i am not capable of climbing mountains.

the reality of this astounds me daily.

not only did god choose to save me from the grips of a 12 year long battle with anorexia and bulimia….10 years later, he has sent me to a place where there is very little food (talk about irony!)

but he doesn’t stop there.  he has taken all of the physical scars left behind from that battle….and put me in a place where just one of them would put me at risk….yet he gets me through everyday.

…..and on climbing days, he takes a girl whose body is beyond broken and carries me to the top of the most amazing mountains.
on my own, i can do nothing….everything i do here, every day i live, every move i make is a testimony of god’s power…

his grace.

his mercy.

and of his absolute, undeniable glory.

finally, what if….

what if, he allowed me to believe that i was simply here to empower the community…to help change the outlook for the country’s future….so that through this journey, my eyes would be opened to how much more i needed him….and that i could then see what i was actually sent here to do?

i came to belle anse believing that my call was to mirror jesus in my actions….to feed the poor, give water to the thirsty, heal the sick and bind up the broken hearted….literally.

i did not see a huge spiritual need in the community…i saw a physical need. while everything i do is because of jesus….i did not believe that my calling was primarily evangelistic in nature…..i also did fully understand my own spiritual need…..

as my eyes and my heart open more and more to my own spiritual infancy, my eyes open more and more to the need of our community. while the physical need is still beyond great….i see now that it is really just a stepping-stone.

yes, i have been called to empower this community….to help them as they work towards a brighter future in haiti….but also to help them live for the brightest eternity….addressing physical needs is simply the vehicle by which we are able to fulfill the greater need of  the spiritual freedom….that can only come from jesus.  

looking back on all the planning and sleepless nights…on all of the blood the sweat and the tears, i wonder,  “were they all for nothing?”….because in the end, this has nothing to do with my plan…it has always been about his.

Continuing the journey in faith and joy.

it is my prayer for year number two, that there will be more sleep….that the blood the sweat and the tears will be only from life well lived in belle anse….not from my own humanity….and that my eyes, my ears and my heart will be eager, willing and waiting for his voice….

and his face.

today, despite the chikungunya rash that has taken over my body….

it is oh, so well with my soul.

peace & joy,

erika


"declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples!"

psalm 96:3

On the mountain top....