as i am trying to process the physical and emotional pain
i’m experiencing these days, i recognize that i am not alone.
i am surrounded by family and friends and people that i do
not even know, who are also suffering.
suffering…while unfortunate…is a part of the human
experience.
…and yet ironically, the discomfort of others and of
ourselves, makes us incredibly uncomfortable.
we say a lot of things to each other…to ourselves…in the
midst of pain.
catchy little antidotes that we throw out…words of well-intentioned
encouragement.
hang in there.
let go and let god.
keep the faith.
keep on pressing on.
…you know, all those things that sound nice but are actually
more obnoxious than helpful.
i sat with a friend the other day…i told him, with great certainty,
that if god was shaping me and molding me…in the very near future, there would
be no clay left.
he responded by asking,
“what if we have missed the point? what if pain and
suffering isn’t about shaping and molding? what if pain is just a result of a
fallen world? what if pain is just pain? god isn’t doing this to you,
erika…he’s experiencing it with you.”
as i am being bombarded with all the (excuse my language)
shit life can throw at me…he did not offer patronizing quips or little rhymes
dripping with religiosity.
instead, he slapped me in the face with truth…and THAT was
encouraging.
i’ve been thinking about paul’s words in phillipians for a
while…
“whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is
pure, whatever is lovely whatever is admirable….if anything is excellent or
praiseworthy…think about such things.”
~ phillipians 4:8 niv
we quote this verse all the time....but when we are really
honest, there’s a whole string of unspoken expectations with every quote.
we mean things that make us comfortable….things that make us
feel good.
we mean sunshine and flowers…we mean world peace and
brotherly love.
but that’s not reality.
…and paul, who was no stranger to suffering, wasn’t exactly
a sunshine-blowing kind of guy.
what if these words were a charge to remember this:
“from noon to three, the whole earth was dark. around mid-afternoon
jesus groaned out of the depths, crying loudly, “eli, eli, lama sabachthani?”
which means, “my god, my god, why have you abandoned me?”
~matt. 27:45-46 msg
he groaned from the depths!
what if what’s good, is that we serve a king that
experienced darkness…who experienced suffering…who knows what its like to no
longer be able to distinguish between physical and spiritual pain...and who
knows what it was like to feel broken and alone?
what if we started looking at these words as some of the most
praiseworthy and lovely words in all of scripture?
do we have this much courage?
in the midst of our darkness are we willing to be this
authentic?
will we let go of our bootstraps and truly let god be big
enough and strong enough to carry the full weight of our burdens?
are we willing to voice what we are actually feeling…are we
willing to cry out…just as jesus did…”my god…MY GOD…where are you??”
…because, i truly believe that until we do, we will not
experience the full impact of his grace.
until we let go….until we are absolutely authentic….we will
not feel this earth shake.
if we continue to power through…we will miss the torn
curtain.
if we continue to self-talk…we will miss his voice.
if we continue to hang on…we will miss his hand reaching out
to lift us up.
and if we refuse to ask, “why have you abandoned me?”
…we will miss his voice…rolling in with the power of a
mighty thunder and the gentleness of a lamb, saying….
"i have never…ever…left your side…
your tears are my tears."
“we do not have a high priest who is out of touch with our reality.
he’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all…all but the sin. so
let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. take the mercy,
accept the help.”
~ hebrews 4:15-16 msg
