women’s lib….
it accomplished a lot…some of which i am even thankful for.
i am thankful that i have the right to vote.
the right to an education.
the ability to hold a job equal to or over men…if i fight
and claw hard enough.
i can drive a car.
i. can. wear. pants.
but then there are the things that kinda piss me off….
i had to go to
college
i am supposed to
climb the corporate ladder.
i am expected to
own my own stuff.
sure, i can wear pants….but in the corporate world, that
means suits.
with suits come heels….and pretty as they are, let’s just
all agree that they hurt….bad.
and last, but certainly not least, is the mantra that gets
drilled into every little girls head, nearly from the moment she enters the
world….
i. don’t. need. men.
four years ago, i had begun to wrap my mind around the idea
of singleness. i was focused on my education and career…i was applying for
doctoral programs in clinical psych and had even begun exploring adoption as a
single parent.
….but
there was still this tiny little piece of me that longed for
companionship…that truly desired a partner to walk through this crazy life
with. did that mean that i was not whole? did it mean i was not happy or i that
was looking for someone to “complete” me?
no.
what it meant, was
that i was human and that humans are relational beings….just like every other
mammal on this planet. i was happy with where i was…i was content with who i
was…and i was ok with whatever the future held…
i just had not given up on the idea that my future could be
shared…and i am so glad I didn’t.
enter jason unze!
from the moment we met, i understood why i had held onto
that hope. it didn’t take long until we were doing life mostly together and
were soon married.
there is a lot of conversation about how spouses should not
become dependent on one another, how they should maintain their individuality
and how the relationship should always be a choice….not a need. each person
should function just as well apart as they do together.
blah, blah, blah….
i used to engage in such conversation but now, at the risk
of stepping on a lot of toes, i would like to say that this whole line of
thinking is crap…it’s destructive and if maintained, sets you up for an
incredibly unhealthy marriage.
(no hate mail, please!)
here’s why….before jason and i joined our lives, we were two
separate entities. the moment we stood in front of the world (our little
personal world) and vowed to choose each other every moment of every day…we
became one.
does that mean that we gave up our individuality?
ask anyone that lives or works with us and they will testify
to the fact that jason and erika unze are two very different people!
jason learns with his eyes. i learn with my ears.
jason is all about detail. i really only see the big
picture.
jason needs to run and climb and lift heavy stuff. I’m a yoga
nerd.
jason is the quintessential extrovert. me…quintessential
introvert.
jason is calm and rational. i am…a little bit not.
what’s so beautiful, is that our separate “individual-ness”
fit together so well. we balance each other out, we compliment each other and
we keep each other in check.
do our “individualities” ever…not fit together?
yup!
which is ok too! conflict and friction are not things to
fear, they are opportunities for growth and to learn how to do life together,
more effectively…and with greater unity.
(and ummm…not to mention you get to make-up!! heeeyyy!)
i have been traveling and working away from home and thus,
away from my family, for way too long. i miss my kiddos like crazy and cannot
wait to hold them and squeeze them and smother them with kisses…
but, i function without my children. not because i don’t love them or cherish
them….i do, so unbelievably much! our kids are a testament of the unity and
oneness in our marriage.
And while love knows no bounds….it’s difficult to do
“oneness,” while you are living in separate countries.
I do not do life nearly as well without jason. we are no
longer two separate entities that do life together. we are one-flesh…doing life
as one.
when we are apart…i am missing half of my flesh!
call it co-dependent, call it oppressed…or call it un-liberated…
….but
i wouldn’t choose to do life or marriage any other way. i
have never been one to conform…
so, i guess this is
my great rebellion against feminism…
this liberated woman is living the life she has chosen and
isn’t worrying about societal norms…
i’ve traded my advanced education for a life in remote haiti
and a crash course in parenting….
my suv for a donkey…
the corporate ladder for the 4 highest peaks on an island
that i love…
my power suit and heels have been swapped out with cut-offs
and flip-flops…
and last, but absolutely not least….i will say, without
hesitation, apology or shame…
i. need. my. husband.
