the past few months have been hard...
hell, the past few years have been hard.
personally, we have been threatened, attacked, lied to and robbed.
our family has spent more time apart than together...our children have not yet been held by some of the most important people in their lives.
we have fought illness and have faced death more than too many times.
professionaly, we have also been attacked, threatened, robbed and have had to fight against attempts to cause division.
we have seen senseless deaths and unimaginable suffering.
...i am weary and i am broken.
two days ago we faced death yet again...
as we returned to bélans in a tiny fishing boat, the sea turned violent...the waves were so big and our boat was so small...
my children clung to me in fear as a wave crashed over us...
while i cried out for god to calm the sea... i also prayed for him to take my children quickly, should we be tossed from the tiny boat.
...i prayed for them not to suffer and not to be afraid.
even now, though we are on dry ground... the memory causes me to tremble and uncontrollable tears flow.
...it's too much to bare.
so often life feels like that boat ride...the trials seem like the waves that we struggled to ride and sometimes they simply engulf me.
...but just as god carried that boat...he continues to be faithful and continues to carry us through life's storms.
i am reminded of how he has provided...
my children have never gone to bed with an empty belly...they have been healthy and even though we are far from family...we have been given a new family where they find security and love.
god has given us strength to recover from illness...he has been the air that we breathe...and he has surrounded us with a shield of protection.
he has carried us when we could not go on and he is holding us now.
...he bares that which is too much.
i know that he is gathering the broken pieces and building something of unimaginable beauty.
until then...i wait and cling to this promise...
"fear not, for i have redeemed you; i have called you by name; you are mine. when you pass through rough waters, i will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
isaiah 43:1-2
